Some people are very active, they can pick up activities like I eat my mums curry, easy peasy (it is that good). Others understand food, fashion, business, so well, you can tell, it's in their DNA.

I can get angry.

I am so familiar with it, that almost everyone who has met me experienced it to some level. It is so closely linked to my character that I struggle daily to separate myself from it.

I hate it. I hate seeing the world through my angry eyes. I despise thinking of things in my angry mind. I have made excuses for my behaviour and lacked motivation to complete things, because of my anger.

But my anger also allowed me to leave really bad situations. Leave a husband that was not right for me. Leave a church that was pushing its own agenda on me. Go against the norm and search for better ideas.

So now I am in this awkward state - What role does anger play in my life?

I don't want conflict - unless it's internal forcing me to be better.

I don't want mediocore - unless is having simple meals with my family and friends. The joy of leaving all problems aside and enjoying simple food brings endless joy.

I don't want anger - unless it pushes me out of my comfort zone, forcing me to the best version of myself.

My childhood was a confusing, messy, angry time. So it is very fair to say that I have an incredibly unhealthy relationship with anger. All or nothing (as my significant other may say).

However, loving myself, means loving the anger and acknowledging its existence. It also means learning to filter and channel it. I am far from figuring out how, but willing to take the first steps in finding ways to deal with this.

--

Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be One. - Marcus Aurelius

2022-07-20

on-being-angry